Wednesday, December 12, 2007

World Domination

There comes a time in every megalomaniac's life where he or she must attempt to take over the world.  For me, that time is now.  I'm tired of not ruling the world with an iron fist.  But I'm going to do it right.  If you look at those historical figures who attempted such a feat in the past, their failures were obvious.  Ghengis Khan, Alexander the Great, Pinky and the Brain.  Stopped by death, their own hubris, or the fact that they were laboratory mice, those conquerers have paved the road for me, with unsurpassed bravado, to complete my hostile takeover of the world.  This is a three-step process.

Phase One:  I would create two kinds of hats: purple jester hats and red/yellow top hats.  Then I'd advertise them by showing lonely ugly people without the hats, then when they put on the hat, they become sexy, wealthy and surrounded by beautiful people.

Phase Two:  When everyone got either a jester hat or a top hat, I'd set them against each other, to create a deep hatred between them: People with purple jester hats and people with red/yellow top hats.  I'd spread nasty rumors...(Hey, did you hear that the people with purple jester hats said that the mothers of people with red/yellow top hats are all fat?  And ugly?)  Eventually, this would lead to an all-out war between the jester-hatted people and the top-hatted people as tensions rose to a boiling climax!

Phase Three:  I'd use an invention I make to teleport all of the hats so that everyone that was wearing a purple jester hat will suddenly be wearing a re/yellow top hat and everyone with a top hat will suddenly find themselves with a jester hat.  This will lead to a self-loathing mass suicide of everyone, save me because I'll be wearing my red ball cap.  Being the last person on the planet, I'll claim it in name of Jason!  And I'll rename it "Funkyland"...

Quote of the Day:  "Why is there toast on the orange?"

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