I looked at the bible to check out some rumors that have been flying around. Turns out the rumors are true, I'm going to Hell for being gay. I spoke to some people about this, they seemed shocked at the idea. In fact, they gave off the serious impression that Hell was a very bad place, but it doesn't seem so bad to me.
Think about it: I'm gay. Gay guys are going to Hell. I'm going to Hell with everyone else that is gay, according to what these people in the media said (and why would they lie to me?). So there I'll be, in Hell, a very hot and fiery place, with a bunch of hot, sweaty gay guys. And eternity is a long time to go without sex, creating an inevitable giant sweaty gay orgy.
Compared to the innocent chastity of Heaven, who can blame me for choosing differently?
Quote of the Day: "Your face is an open-toed shoe."