Tuesday, October 17, 2006

What I Learned from Work

Okay, so since I started working, I've learned a lot about "customer appreciation".  That is, sounding nice for the customers so that they don't know how much you loathe them.

The first thing is to say everything, no matter how dripping of disdain it may be, in the friendliest of voices.

Customer:  Someone should stop that vendor outside from playing with the RC Car.  He almost hit my foot with it, it could have killed me! 
Me (in the friendliest of voices):  Yes, I'm it would have been a fatal blow.  Thank you, sir, have a nice day." (You'll understand what I really meant by that later.)
(Keep in mind that all of the following scenarios have actually taken place, as well as the preceeding scenario.)

The real secret to this field is changing your standard vocabulary.  For instance, the word "idiot" becomes the word "sir". 

Me:  "Here is your chair." 
Customer:  "The box says that is one is Olive-colored, I wanted the green one." 
Me:  "Olive-colored is green, sir."

See how well that works?  The next thing I learned was the phrase "get the hell away from me".  "Get the hell away from me" has become "thank you".  See the following: 

Customer (on the credit card pad):  "I want credit, not debit.  What do I do?" 
Me:  "Press the credit button, not the debit button, sir." 
Customer:  "Am I done now?" 
Me: " No, sir.  You have to sign your name where is says 'Sign Your Name' sir." 
Customer:  "Ah.  I'm finished.  Do I press the 'Done' button?" 
Me:  "Yes sir, thank you." (I will remind you once more that this really did happen, just as I have said.  I mean it, really.  This job has made me lose faith in humanity.)

The last phrase I learned of is "have a nice day".  What "have a nice day" really means is "that's right, keep walking". 

Customer:  "These lines are just stupid.  I waited twenty minutes just to get through!" 
Me:  "Actually the lines aren't that bad.  The real problem was that when you were about to get to the end of a single line, you got tired of waiting and went to the back of a different line.  You did that several times." 
Customer:  Even still you, should do something about it, that's just stupid!" 
Me:  Yes sir, I'll get right on it.  Thank you sir."  (as he's walking out) "Have a nice day!

So that's the gist of what I've learned.  I hope that I've helped you on your journey to the fulfillment of your life.

Quote of the Day:  "Sometimes I get to pondering the meaning of my own existance.  At times like those, I'm glad I have television to relieve my boredom."

No comments:

Post a Comment